Today is the Day I Realized God is More Powerful than My Ego!

I know that sounds a bit odd.

How could the ego of one human being ever think it could be as powerful as God?

How could one human being ever think it could be as powerful as God?

How could any human being ever think it could be as powerful as God?

Our minds rationalize, justify, survive and thrive, on both a conscious and subconscious level, more than we will ever know.

Initially, ever since that first cry as a newborn and subsequent accommodation with nourishment, warmth and safety, we naturally thought we were the center of the universe and all we had to do was cry and we could control our universe.

Sure, we grew up, learned how to share, be part of a family, be sociable and become a part of a community, but have we ever mentally investigated the depth, breath and power of our own ego?

I knew ego came in two varieties—the innate ego with a balanced instinct for security, food, shelter, reproductive and social completeness and the other overly misguided and misused, self-centered, selfish and imperious ego.

Fear, resentments, dishonesty and that imperious ego can ruin our lives or cause one portion of our lives to go astray.

For me, a compulsive overeater and sugar addict, that one portion of my life astray was food, specifically sugary foods like deserts, candy, and ice cream.

I have prayed to be relieved of this addiction, worked the Twelve Steps and sought abstinence from sugar and compulsive eating behaviors.

Success has come day-by-day, I am approached my healthy body weight with great hope of being able to maintain it long term one day at a time.

Today was a special day for me in terms of a TROML Realization or what others would call a Spiritual Awakening.

I thought about something today that I never really thought about before.

For this human being, Anonymous Andy, I realized God is more powerful than my ego at all times, no matter what the circumstances, but especially when it comes to choices about food.

Maybe I took Step 2 with a belief that God is a Power greater than myself or my ego, or Step 3 turning my will and my life over to God or maybe it was Step 11  with a new level of conscious contact. or maybe it was all three.

What ever it is, it is and will now be within my spirit and continue to be with me on my journey to an abundance of peace, joy, and freedom.

I trust, I feel and I share my experience, strength and hope.

My strength, God-given, just got stronger, within me, than my ego.

I feel a sense of relief, comfort and inspiration.

I am eternally grateful.

Life is good!

Have a TROML Day Today!

Your Personal Revivalist,

Anonymous Andy

I can’t make myself feel any different than I do.

Nor would I want to as I grow in TROML and seek inspiration and truth in my life.

Having feelings and emotions is part of living life as a human being. Feeling feelings is that subtle difference between being a human being versus a human doer if you know what I mean.

I grew up in a typical “don’t trust, don’t talk and don’t feel” alcoholic home. It was a loving home where love, sacrifice and understanding were present most of the time but when push came to shove the response was not “let’s talk about this, share our feelings, and go on from there” in a calm , trusting way. It was more of a “I need to survive the chaos, I can’t trust, talk or feel right now.” environment at difficult times. That was me, another child growing up in a similar situation may have reacted much differently.

How did I learn, as a man, to feel my feelings and accept them as a legitimate part of life that was important to my overall health and well being?

I realized that I was not God. God is God. That means whatever you believe in or don’t believe in, in terms of a Higher Power, you are not. It is a much different perspective than the world would lead you to believe in. I have yet to see a commercial which concludes even if you don’t buy my product or service that you will be fine. The world always says, it seems. that we need something outside of ourselves to be happy.

I have been trying to become more emotionally mature in my TROML program and escape the world’s perspective through active inspiration seeking and TROML Journaling for the past 15 years. Surrendering and accepting we don;t have complete control in life is a simple spiritual concept, easy to understand and believe, but difficult to implement in our thoughts, words and actions in life.

From Twelve Step programs I have learned to accept people, places, things and situations beginning with God and me.

How did I do this?

By praying and meditating, living and making mistakes and being as humble and willing as I could and letting a section called “Upon Awakening” on Page 86 in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous come to me in a special way that I understand and can act on.

Now, when I feel indecisive, anxious, agitated, doubtful, or basically any other feeling that surprises me or doesn’t make sense to me, I ask God these four questions:

God, I ask You to free me of my self, my ego and my self-will. I take the helicopter ride that I learned about in Corporate America up to a higher viewpoint and perspective. Through God I can see and be open-minded 360 degrees and mindful with a view of myself, my situation and other people, places and things. But most importantly I see it in a way free of any self-seeking motives. The view is clear and present because I am momentarily out of self, ego and my will.

God, I ask You to direct my thinking. This is different than playing God and trying to direct other people. Yes, there are times in life where being a supervisor or manager at work, a wife or husband or a mother or father requires us to make a decision for others to follow, do and implement. But even in those situations, as human beings, it is best to seek to have God or your Higher Power to direct your thinking. What are my motives here, do they make sense in God’s loving world?

This second question helps me with trusting, sharing and feeling feelings and emotions as an adult, especially in difficult and trying situations with all sorts of people. When I think about my relationship with myself, what I think about myself and how I treat myself with words and behaviors and I ask God to direct my thinking an unexpected feeling of peace, joy and freedom comes to me.

When I am out of self, God directs me to be accepting, loving and compassionate towards my self. This is something that was and sometimes still is very difficult for me to do—being one’s own harshest critic is not a healthful thing to have inside our core for our well being. I find it true that unless I first truly accept, love and be compassionate to myself it is difficult to truly be that way to others.

God, I ask You to inspire my thoughts is the third question. Questions One & Two help me get to an inspirational thought-life and detect when I am not aligned with God’s will for me. This is a check that my motives are pure, not based on fear, resentment or dishonest and self-centered motives.

Usually by now the path forward or decision has become clear. The fourth question follows from the first three.

God, I ask You to show me the next step to take today. Sometimes that step is to do nothing.

Payne Stewart, known to the world as a golfer, who was called Home all too soon from a worldly perspective, was a spiritual-minded man that wore a W.W.J.D. bracelet —What would Jesus do?

For me, being aligned with God’s Will keeps me in fit spiritual shape and gives me God’s Power to overcome and recover from my disease of compulsive overeating and being a sugar addict. It also helps me overcome my character defects and shortcomings on an ongoing, day-to-day basis.

Instead of going directly from feeling uncomfortable feelings to compulsively and emotionally overeating I can take a TROML Timeout and make better decisions on the run.

I am not perfect. If you know me personally you already know that.

But with TROML and God’s Inspiration I am the best I can be today and that includes being a human being and feeling my feelings.

That in turn gives me the opportunity to pause, not react and act on God’s Will, with God’s Power, when needed in life.

To feel or not feel?

What will you do?

Have a TROML Day Today!

Anonymous Andy

Your Personal Revivalist

For me, sugar is a self-imposed selfish spiritual sickness, no more, no less than if I were an alcoholic.

I know that now. I didn’t know that then when I was using it to survive in life or rather when I was dying, killing myself in order to try to survive in life.

There is no doubt that abusing and being addicted to sugar has held me back in life. Not necessarily in the worldly sense but surely in the personal, private and inward sense. I use to think my problem was the shame, guilt and emotional abandonment from a childhood exposed to alcoholism. For a time it was but that time has passed and now the problem is me.

It is no longer someone else’s disease that is holding me back in life. It is my disease of compulsive eating and sugar addiction that is isolating me from complete peace, joy and freedom in life.

I am a compulsive overeater and sugar addict.

I need to be honest with myself, God (he already knows that yet still accepts, loves and is compassionate towards me), and you.

Most of you have no idea what I am talking about so it is hard for you to accept this disease with me and support me as I disassociate food consumption from enjoyment, from a way for us to celebrate events in life and most importantly from my disease so I can live as normal a life as possible and be all that God wills me to be.

When I consume sugar it demoralizes me physically, mentally and emotionally. It is a spiritual sickness for me. I don’t know why it changes me in the moment of consumption and for hours afterwards but it does.

Please don’t try to help me understand it, rationalize it and come to the conclusion that I can have a little bit and that moderation is the answer. It doesn’t work for me that way, believe me I have tried everything. I need to disassociate myself from sugar and unhealthy food behaviors. That is the only way for me to be healthy.

You can help me to stay away from situations where I customarily overeat. Try to understand why I don’t want to go back to our favorite restaurant or celebrate a holiday the way we have always celebrated a holiday. You can’t protect me from sugar no matter how much you like and love me. I have to do it for myself. I understand that you are likely a normal eater so enjoy your sugar, but please respect my  abhorrence to it.

I need to separate my fears, resentments, dishonesty and selfishness from sugar. Consuming sugar and escaping, anesthetizing myself and burying my feelings and emotions is not a healthy habit for me.

I need to trust, to share my life’s reality and to feel my feelings and emotions.

Please enter into that type of friendship and relationship with me.

I accept that I am a compulsive overeater and sugar addict.

The reality is that sugar will impact my longevity and quality of life. Obesity, heart disease and diabetes are real threats to me going forward in life. The only known health issue I have now is being about 20 pounds heavier than my healthy body weight of 225 pounds.

I was there at 225 pounds for a month this summer for the first time in a long time, probably dating back to the very early 2000s just before my mother died and September 11th happened within hours of each other. There was a steady rise and then an explosion after my divorce, job changes and relocations. My recorded peak was at 336 pounds but likely my real peak was at 360 pounds. No one, including me, wants to get on a scale and take a picture at the darkest, loneliest and  most disappointing moment of our lives.

But I need to own and accept that moment. Know that it is a real possibility to happen again and do everything I can to not return to that point of desperation.

Your help, nutrition and exercise knowledge and practice, any and all diets and diet clubs could not save me. Mine was a problem of emotional and spiritual sickness, not a mental or physical problem to overcome. Self knowledge and intellect are good but can only go so far in matters like these.

My last 15 years of journaling and utilizing the TROML process has brought me to the right physical, mental, emotional and spiritual help at the right time in my life.

I am exactly where I need to be.

I know my problem is me and my relationship to sugar and compulsive overeating. Not you or our relationship.

I know abstinence, eating three meals this day with nothing in between and no sugar is the only solution for me.

I know this is God’s will for me, to remain in recovery and share my experience, strength through Him, and hope.

I need to take Step One and know and admit that I am powerless over sugar and compulsive overeating. Because of this disease and the associated diseased thinking that I can solve it myself is when my life becomes unmanageable.

Having accepted this reality in my life I and my thinking and emotions become part of the solution and I can leave the manifestation of the problem behind.

I enjoy life living in the solution, being hopeful, at peace with joy in my heart with the freedom to be all that God wants me to be here in this life and beyond.

I hope I am joining you where you are in life but if you are not there then come and join us!

Have a TROML Day today!

Your Personal Revivalist

Anonymous Andy