Today is the First Day of TROML. We all mess up at times. There is hope no matter how I feel or what other people say or do. (Photo Credit: Bob Thaves)
I am a sugar addict and compulsive overeater in recovery.
That has been the case since October 2012, when on my 53rd birthday I sought relief from this disease of compulsive overeating, a disease that is as deeply rooted and challenging to overcome as alcoholism.
Whether you are my friend, family or client, I need and ask for your help supporting my recovery, something which is 100% my responsibility.
While I am on a spiritual path for the rest of my life and beyond, I respect the sovereign right of others to believe or not believe in any specific religion. As Pope Francis so eloquently shared on his visit to the United States, “I ask you all please to pray for me. And if there are among you any who do not believe or cannot pray, I ask you to please send good wishes my way.”
Like wise. I do the same for you whether I meet you in person or electronically at first. We are all one, connected in someway, somehow, to a greater good universe of endless peace, joy and freedom.
Although I mark my abstinence from sugar and compulsive eating behaviors since August 2013 when I completed my first pass on making Step Nine amends, there have been slips along the way. As I seek complete spiritual, emotional and physical recovery to extend my time here on Earth, the reality is that I am a human being just like you with character defects and shortcomings. As I work towards and occasionally reach my healthy body weight, I make mistakes, relying only on myself and fall back.
Last night was one of those nights where I failed to seek help and succumbed to the at times incessant call of sugar saying to me “consume me and it will be all right.” It has lied to me once again, i believed it in a moment of weakness and I lied to myself as I believed the unfaithful promise that I could control my own destiny and did not need anyone else’s help to make it through life, good times and bad times.
The feeling of excitement in good times is as challenging to my abstinence as the feeling of sadness, loneliness and depression in bad times.
That’s the insanity of it all. Times are good for me. I am healthy and down over 100 pounds in weight an not far from my healthy body weight which I achieved recently for one month. I love and feel gratitude for the people in my life and in what I have the opportunity to do in life. I know I am blessed to do what I love to do for a living—seeking inspiration and helping others find and tell their story in life. People come to me for help yet I cannot at times seek the help I need at pivotal moments in my life.
I have yet to figure out the riddle of Andy.
I have yet to become completely free of this disease of sugar addiction and compulsive overeating that has me by the throat at times. I need to get out of myself and trust more in my better self, God and other people. I need to share more, to come out of this lonely isolation of a disease that few normal eaters recognize as such. I need to feel my feelings instead of escaping from them in a sugar high and stomach overload. Instead of anesthetizing and placating myself, I need to deal with reality in a more honest and forthright manner.
I have to stop abandoning my God and emotionally abandoning myself. I need to release and let go of he shame within me that came from a childhood impacted by alcoholism. All those traits I developed and utilized to survive as a child must be transformed to a useful purpose in my adult life or eliminated from my portfolio of tools so that I can love and live spiritually free as an adult.
I am not a normal adult or a normal eater as I will always be a sugar addict and a compulsive overeater.
The question is whether or not I will be in recovery with an abstinence and program in place.
For me that is TROML, which includes the Twelve Steps and other sources of inspiration. More importantly,I need to apply and learn from any and all sources of inspiration to be aware of and overcome any challenges in my life. There is a difference between discovery—identifying with a disease and other people who have it and recovery—taking ownership and seeking help and utilizing that help to overcome disease to the best of our ability with the help of a power greater than ourselves.
Today, this morning is another day. The sun has risen again whether I can see it directly or it is hidden behind clouds and precipitation. There is light, I know it is there, the same as I know there are better choices to be made in my life today and all the tomorrows to come.
I am hopeful. I am done with just surviving. I want to thrive and be all I can be in life. I want peace, joy and freedom, complete freedom in life which includes recovery from this disease of sugar addiction and compulsive overeating which conflicts with all that God wants and has planned for me in life.
I need you and I know, if you are addicted to anything—sugar, alcohol, sex, work, religion, gambling or what have you—that you need me, TROML and the Twelve Steps too.
Let’s connect and if we can’t than lets pray for each other or at least send good wishes to each other.
Have a TROML Day Today!
Anonymous Andy
Your Personal Revivalist
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