Like being impacted by the disease of alcoholism, divorce is a terrible thing. I know, I have experienced both. No matter the circumstances involved, going through a divorce is a terrible thing because you are forced to enter a new, yet unknown life. Whether you wanted it or not, the change is sudden no matter how long you saw it coming. Divorce puts you out there in the unknown between the life which at one time was your dream life and the dream you are now living which might feel more like a nightmare, especially if young children or even if adult children are involved.
Religion sees marriage as a holy and divinely established covenant that is now broken. We are like that trapeze artist high above, with no safety nets below, traveling from one platform in life to another having to let go of the rope behind us and grab the lifeline out there in front of us. Sometimes instead of a bar to grasp there is another person to grab on to which may seem to help us in the transition or life beyond the divorce. Hopefully so, or possibly not when we arrive at the next platform in life.
Whatever the case, when we get divorced we never do it perfectly of course because we become two broken people going opposite ways on those platforms and trying to take our kids along with us. I have never seen that act performed in a circus, even Cirque du Soleil, but many of us have tried to do so in real life with mixed results.
Once we realize we are not perfect in life, and divorce can be our first public testimony to that, where do we go from there?
I chose to go within myself with TROML, thinking that if I can improve myself then any relationship, whether it be with a spouse, an ex-spouse, friend or at work, will improve as well. Actually I was doing TROML before I was divorced and it helped prepare me for and to make the transition to a new life. Since being divorced, I have been doing TROML and feel ready for a second marriage that will last the rest of my life.
One thing I learned is that you can’t love a God or anyone else that you fear. You can’t love anyone that you resent or don’t have a relationship built on honesty. You can’t love anyone else if you can’t get past your own ego and selfishness. This is true, of course, with our relationship with ourselves. God or something we believe in more than ourselves, must be involved. Things like perfectionism, control, all-or-nothing thinking and judgmentalism must be rooted out of any relationship for it to be successful.
TROML definitely helped me in these growth areas. I learned to go back to my childhood, re-parent myself and by so doing reaffirm and in some cases redefine my relationship with God. Starting TROML with honesty and then developing humility and willingness brought me to real acceptance of the nature of life, myself and others. The first step is always acceptance of what is. Then come the choices of what can be. TROML makes them easier, more focused and ultimately successful.
The second thing I learned is that I don’t have to be perfect to help myself or others. In fact, having weaknesses or failures in life is a prerequisite for personal growth and being of service to others. I used to think I had to first be perfect, in terms of religion, then I would be able to help others. Now I realize that we are all spiritually connected and in fact we can help each other through our imperfections. Together we rise to a perfectly imperfect life. TROML Baby is what I say to that.
Thanks for connecting with me today. My wish for you whether you are contemplating divorce, going through a divorce or recovering from a divorce is that you find peace, joy and freedom in life—The Ultimate Love.
Please let me know if I can help you with your journey in life. TROML worked for me and I am sure it can work for you.
Have a TROML Day today!
Your Personal Revivalist,
Anonymous Andy
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