I was taking control, with God’s guidance, of my health—namely in the areas of nutrition, exercise and sleep. I was making good progress emerging from the sugar fog, feeling tired at the end of the day and rejuvenated somewhat in the morning. I wanted to get my seven to eight hours of sleep and wake up at sunrise each day to maximize the hours of daylight and sunshine in my life. All good things in my life, all God-directed in thoughts, words and behavior I thought. But there was a resentment and it was directed towards one of his nonhuman creatures— that chirping little bird in the tree outside my bedroom window. He was so chirping so loud that he or she woke me up each morning an hour before the sun rose and I resented it as something contrary to what I thought was God’s plan for me.
How could this be and what could I do about it? For a few weeks I just endured it and suffered waking up to resentment. I have lived in this environment for a while and don’t recall this natural alarm from the sugar days. I was probably too tired and exhausted from my nightly compulsive eating. In this new era of honesty and thoroughness and fearlessness to find the answers in my life, I decided to get out of bed, go outside and investigate the scene of the crime a little bit. After a couple more weeks of deciding and resenting I actually got out of bed and went outside. I did not bring a gun though I am sure that would be the recommendation of some of my friends.
Today was the day to do so and I learned a lot. The first thing, as I went outside into what I thought would be pitch black, all black-out environment, I learned was that it was not. There was a ring of brightness around the horizon. Immediately I realized the birds had it right. An hour before sunrise is time to get excited about the upcoming sunrise and let everybody else know about it. I could see their perspective, especially when I put myself in their place of sleeping outside with little protection in the dark for what would seem like an eternity. I remember one rainy, dark night as a child awake, cold and wet in a tent on a campout. I was joyous too when the first light came signaling an end to my misery, I mean fun. The birds had it right and I had it wrong.
I walked over and stood stalking the feathery creatures nearby my bedroom window. Of course the criminal had fled. Well no longer that harsh I was hoping to see the bird for further enlightenment. I had envisioned one about the size of Big Bird with a bully speakerphone on the branch of the small tree closest to my resting place. I hung out for a few minutes hearing the distinctive calling in the distance. Then one small bird flew over and perched high in another tree above me. Remarkably she or he was the one as he auditioned vociferously for the part in my crime drama now turned life-improving mystery. It was still too dark straight above so I have yet to get a full visual on the Mine Bird that likes to wake me up and greet me in the morning.
The upshot of this experience for me is that I can change to meet conditions. Like the bird I can rise with excitement an hour before sunrise and go to bed an hour earlier each night. I, with God’s direction and my improved understanding, can transform and move an hour in my life from a sometimes difficult to maintain abstinence in the evening to the more productive for me morning hour.
Recognizing my feeling and emotion of resentment was the key clue that led me to this self-discovery that I can choose to change to meet conditions, whatever they are. What’s the most important thing in my life? Abstinence and the serenity, peace and joy that it brings for sure.
Where I feel resentment I will go seeking and surely find other opportunities to improve the God-given quality of my life. I am excited to do so.
The room is lighting up and so is my life. The sun has risen for today and I am ready to go an hour earlier than usual. This will be my new normal. Thank you my little bird friend!
Have a TROML Day Today!
Anonymous Andy
Your Personal Revivalist
Reference Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc, first published in April 1953, Step 4—“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves,” Page 47.
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