Did I Break My Father’s Anonymity?

Lots of people struggle with saying the word ‘anonymity.’

If you struggle with saying the word ‘anonymity,’ there is help. Simply start with the lady’s name ‘Anna,’ then ‘Let Go and Let God’ help you finish it off—’Anna-mity’. The you will be amazed with little struggle saying the word.

I struggled with sharing my life story which includes being an ‘Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA)’ and whether or not I am breaking my father’s anonymity in the process of doing so.

There is no simple answer to this question. It doesn’t come easy if you just start life with my name ‘Andy,’ then ‘Let Go and Let God’ and a perfect world will appear and everyone will be happy.

When I wrote the book Love, The Rest of My Life (TROML) & The Pursuit of Eternity in 2005 I was struggling even more. I didn’t know at that time that I was a sugar addict and compulsive overeater. Actually I did know but I denied the truth to myself. Everyone else went along with my self-justications, rationalizations and lies.

In that book, which included the 17-day journal-based TROML PLAYBOOK, I never called my father an alcoholic and have yet to do so up until this day. Hopefully I will not do so today or any of my tomorrows for I do not believe it is for me to judge. I need to focus on myself and others that may be helped by sharing my life story and TROML with them. It is the most selfish and the most altruistic of things in life all in one sentence and in reality probably also in nearly ever human being alive.

Am I breaking my father’s anonymity?

I don’t think so and I am not trying to be cute about it.

I am showing respect for a father who undoubtedly gave more in life than he received. That would have been the case whether or not he had taken an alcoholic drink for the last 25 years of his life.

He did not take another drink for the last 25 years of his life and for that I am eternally grateful.

I came to Al-Anon  in 1988 when I was 28 years old. My Dad died five years later in 1993. I am grateful for those five years together especially since we were both fathers by then and were able to share that unique bond in life.

Enlightened about the disease of alcoholism and knowing his inspired heroic response to having that disease I did ask him about his experience and recovery in a roundabout way. In a few words he shared how difficult it was to overcome the addiction of alcohol and how much his faith played a part in doing so. I don’t think my father ever went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I know he faithfully went to church, believed in God and liked to watch the Billy Graham Crusades on television. I believe that is what gave him the strength to recover from the disease of alcoholism.

So Point One being I am not sure you can break the anonymity of someone who never went to an AA meeting. Or for that matter someone who has since passed on in life.

Years later, in the writing of her life story at my request, my Mom and I shared many things including the scope and details of what would become the TROML Book in 2005. My Mom died on September 10th, 2001 hours before the September 11th tragedy. I published an earlier version of our book with the title The Dynamics of My Life, Here I Am This is Me shortly after her death in 2002. It was basically the same book but without the TROML PLAYBOOK which came from the intervening years of personal journaling.

I shared all my childhood memories, good and bad, with Mom and asked for her permission to publish the book. She trusted me and wholeheartedly gave me her permission to publish her and Dad’s life story along with mine.

So Point Two being I had my mother’s blessing.

Some may think they are in a position to judge and label the book, TROML and Personal Revivalist as 100% ‘bullshit.’ They have every right to do so and I respect their choice. After all who am I to judge?

I do know the book, TROML and Personal Revivalist have come to me after a great deal of prayerful preparation and meditation. I have personally seen the impact of the TROML process, including Twelve Step programs and other sources of inspiration, in people’s lives. Suzanne Somers said in that very first ACOA article that I read in 1988— “there are little girls (and boys) out there hiding in their closets and adult children of alcoholics who don’t know what normal is.” Like Suzanne and most recently Patrick Kennedy, I just want to help them and others in life’s transition periods help themselves with the TROML Process.

There is an unspoken ‘Don’t Trust, Don’t Talk & Don’t Feel’ rule growing up in an alcoholic home. That rule helped me to survive my childhood but no longer serves me now. I release, with Gods help, and as Yogine says, that which does not serve me in life. Alcoholism, compulsive overeating and sugar addiction and all the related perspectives and thinking no longer serves me or I serve them. I hope everyone can find peace, joy and freedom in life.

So Point Three being I trust in what I believe, what I share and what I feel in life. Others can clean up their own ‘bullshit’ without my help, thank you very much. I am here to help others who want to be helped in a positive, honest and inspirational manner.

When I pray and meditate on what to do with ‘the rest of my life,’ this is what I am inspired to do.

If you struggle with me saying I am an ACOA, then go and let me be. I don’t believe the truth can harm us over time in our lives, only the denial of the truth can. Sure, the truth may be unexpected or painful to hear at first, especially the truth about ourselves. As a sugar addict and compulsive overeater, denying the truth did not help me one bit. Not one bit ever. Knowing the truth about the disease and myself has helped me a great deal.

I am very grateful today to be an ACOA, a  sugar addict and a compulsive overeater in recovery.

Maybe it does start with ‘Andy’ and not ‘Anna-whatever?’

As Dad would say—thanks for listening!

Have a TROML Day Today!

Anonymous Andy

Your Personal Revivalist


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